While I will agree with everyone else by saying honesty is the best policy. You have to do it the right way. You have to frame the request based on YOUR feelings. You may want to start seeing a counselor on your own and then ask your husband to join you.How can I tell hubby that I want us to see a marriage counselor?
Just tell him. My wife tells me this all of the time. We actually went to a marriage counselor for about a year once.
The ';just tell him'; answers are right. Make sure, though, to not tell him in anger, such as during an arguement.
If you truly believe he will shoot down the idea, and get defensive, then....................................鈥?br>
How about suggesting the idea to him. Telling him is sort of demanding. However if you suggest it as a thought, and ask him his opinion what he thinks about it and would like his input (without you mentioning that is what you would like to do), you have planted the seed. He therefore will not be put on the defensive. In fact you can mention that you really do not want an answer untill he ponders and gives it some real thought.
After several days, (give it a week) ask him if he did think about it and would like to know if he came to a decision. If his response is negative, then after a couple of days I suggest the following.
Say, something on this order. I am just giving you some ideas. But you know him best so you can really choose how you would like to broach the fact that you would like to go on your own.
1. Hon, I love you very much and would like to make our life better. Would you mind if I went for counceling, on my own?
2. Hon, I would like to go for counceling on my own, so that I can get a better perspective on how to make our life better.
I will explain to you why I feel that if you go your relationship might benefit from it, rather than neither of you going.
If you go, you will have a professional to explain all the details of your relationship. You will be venting your feelings, which is so desprately needed. Rather than speaking to a close friend, or a family member If you are doing that? You will gain insight into yourself, and your husband behavior and how you interact with eachother.
This will help you deal with the little things that are bothering you,or him It is the little things that usually build up slowly, as they seem silly. But as I said they do build up, and you don't know after a while which came first the horse or the cart. It is like a snowball which grow bigger, and bigger.
Now either one or two things will happen. You will learn to understand yourself, and your husband thereby improving your relationship. And/or your husband will see how it is helping, and he might start to go with you.
I say this because that is exactly what happened to me, and in the beginning I went myself, it helped me understand myself and my husband, it also helped me cope. After about 5 months, my husband started go too. We had sessions separatly, and sessions together. The therapist was the one to decide.
There is one major element here. You have to do your homework before you decide which therapist you do choose. He or she should be at least in thier late 40's or even older. As they have experienced life much more.
I would preferably choose a male, over a female. So that if your husband does decide to go later on, he will have more respect from a male, and will feel more secure being that he is getting advice from a males point of view.
Again do your homework, and also use your sixth sense to know if they are out for the money only, or they really are sincere about their job, and helping you..
I wish you the best of luck in improving your relationship.
easy.
tell him straight out without looking for excuses and making annoying noises with ur mouth so he cant hear ';honey we need help!';
if u dont make it clear and to the point he wont understand how important and how it will help the marriage.. and he would want to do something about b/c he loves u.
let him have it... straight to the point.
Just be honest with him and ask him to just try it. Let him know that you are trying to save your marriage and ask him to just try a couple of sessions. Tell him not to give up on your marriage so easily. If he still rejects it then ask him what options he has in mind. Let him know that ignoring your guys marital problems will not make them go away. Good luck.
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