How do you keep a marriage going strong if you and your spouse have different interests?

I love theater. He doesn't. He loves computers. I don't understand them. I love concerts. He loves 80s metal on the radio. I love dramas. He loves cartoons. I love art. He doesn't understand it.





I've recently had trouble trying to figure out what we have in common. I love him very very deeply and I don't want us to grow apart. How do we reconcile these differences?How do you keep a marriage going strong if you and your spouse have different interests?
Hmmm...


I can really understand your discomfort here, it's difficult to face a divide of interests in your relationship, and can leave a person feeling very hollow and unimportant if there person and interests are not recognized and pursued. And good for you for making the issue about a desparity in common interests rather than cracking down on him for not having enough of yours, that's very mature of you not to make it ';his fault';.





I can think of several possible solutions, that can be used in combination with one another, I am sure there are more, and there are oodles of women's magazines that focus on just such issues so there would be a good place to look for further reading. Without further adieu, some solutions.





1. Just get over it, and realize it isn't a big deal, or that lack of common interests isn't really the problem, and instead address what really is.


2. Get at the heart of the differences and reconcile that.


3. Take up his interests.


4. Combine your interests, find a way to satisfy both of you simultaneously.


5. Pursue each other, and life together as an interest.


6. Find common interests.


7. Learn to negotiate and trade.


8. Talk to him about it and see what he has to say.





1.


Why is this a problem? It shouldn't be interfering with your life in any serious fashion, shouldn't really be a source of conflict unless these interests have become somehow more important than your spouse. Differences in interests in the genders are rather normal, which is why there is girl's and guy's night out, perhaps what you two need is buddies you can hang out with, another couple possibly, so they can do their guy stuff together and you two can do your girl stuff together, and then when that need is satisfied go back to your relative spouses. So you don't have quite as much fun together as you used to, how much of your life do you really spend pursuing all these things? Maybe these are just little nagging concerns that are blinding you to a greater concern that neither of you are talking about, but since that is so threatening you are choosing to focus on something minor. Or are there perhaps feelings of neglect because he doesn't seem to take an interest in your interests, and thus by not taking an interest in your interests he is subsequently not taking an interest in you. Are you two just stuck in a rut and tired of the same old same old, perhaps it is time to get away from it all and take a vacation together, or possibly a vacation apart and come back refreshed and ready to discover all the great things about each other all over again, or take up a hobby together something new and exciting you can both get into. In general try asking questions like this of yourself and see if there is something else going on here, or if perhaps this really isn't a big deal and you two still really love each other and you can just shrug your shoulders and realize it really isn't a big deal.





2.


I seem to sense a pattern in regards to more ';cultured'; pursuits on your part and more simplistic ones on his. One thing you might want to understand here is that his interests don't cost money, they are the interests of someone enjoying life just the way it is, without spending to excess. What may really be going on here and what he isn't saying is that he cannot reconcile and have fun with your interests because all he can think about is the loss of time and money that goes into these interests, and because that's all he is thinking about he's not going to be able to relax and have fun, you might want to talk to him about that, see if you can agree to create a ';leisure budget'; then money coming from that budget doesn't make him feel guilty because it was already agreed upon that is what it was for. Also you can find free or ';pay what you can'; performances or exhibits, ';win'; or get tickets as ';gifts'; *wink wink*, if you can address his feelings of guilt over spending since this is in reality a financial issue for him, you will enable him to enjoy himself more. What might be going on here is that you feel bad about his interests because you don't want to be identified as a kid anymore, you want to be an adult and have adult cultured pursuits, if this is the case try relaxing and just being a kid a bit more, life is a lot more fun if you are a kid. I don't know about you, but I love getting an excuse to what a childrens movie, and UP is in 3D, come on, who doesn't love 3D? The point here is get at the heart of the differences, or look for what these interests have in common, and find a way to either make that common root a non-issue, or satisfy its demands.





3.


Just swallow your pride, give in, and learn to find his interests fun and interesting. Get into it and try to find a way to enjoy what he is into by focusing on parts and elements that are fun for you. Maybe it's the way he laughs when he watches a funny cartoon, getting to watch him work when he gets into a computer, take aHow do you keep a marriage going strong if you and your spouse have different interests?
Find where you can meet, there's so many other places. Do you enjoy cooking together? Even going out together for different ethnic food. Ever go to a wine vinyard or to a wine tasting. I love hiking and it's healthy, plus who doesn't love nature. Photograpy is really fun too.





What until you have kids that makes it really interesting.





There's just some many other things you just have to try together and see were it goes. Adventure is the name of the game.





** You mentioned music, why don't you try to introduce him to new age music, Itunes has a huge selection of music from around the world. On another note Native American Indian music is great too. Exploring new things together can be a lot of fun.
there's an old saying that opposites attract. If you and your husband have different interest there is nothing wrong with that. Just because you two are married doesn't mean you have to like all of the same things. try to open yourself up to understanding and engaging in the things he likes once in a while and he should do the same for you. Allow him to teach you about computers and share your understanding of art with him. the key is to be open. In a marriage you should love one another but also teach one another. If you two will open yourselves up to learning about each others interest you won't grow apart maybe you'll grow even closer
By giving each other space to develop what you like but also by trying to show an interest in that what makes them enthusiastic without getting involved.





For instance, my husband plays on line soccer A sort of game. I don't get it at all, but it is a competition., So I do make a point to remind him that he needs to do this game, when he is busy and to ask him what his position is in the competition. Yet the ins and outs I don't know and if he never did it again it would also be fine with me.


It is the same with my sewing for instance, just not an interest of his. But he is proud when I finish a garment and happily goes with me to fabric stores.





Of course there must be things you have in common, otherwise you would not be together. Cooking, gardening or something. Or something that can be combined. There are a number of hard roch artists for instance that also are painters and have a wider interest in art. It can be combined.


My mother has the same concert. theater issue. She now has a friends she goes with and because she stopped nagging dad he actually pics out one or two things he likes to go with her. She usually hates what he picks but goes with him as he is doing that to support her. I go the movies with a friend. Her husband and mine are best friends (have been for 25 years) and neither likes the movies So the girls go together and the men watch the football We al have a great evening and are happy.





As for combined interest look at what drew him to you in the first place. There you will find the binding factor
Marriage USN麓t two people with same virtues, qualities and flaws. You can have different interests in life and still enjoying being together, but try not to be too selfish and make things enjoyable for the other partner, like say making some effort trying to understand why he loves computers or watch cartoons once in a while ..Try to connect, talk about art and make it interesting,,,(I do that, my teens love it) Invite him to watch some drama with you..Try by all means to have fun and enjoy your time together,,,I read once that what keeps couples together is love and a great amount of sense of humor,,,In our 20 years marriage, we have quite a few different interests, but sense of humor has been our main dish..and do things together every time we can,,,weekends mainly--We think different even in religion, art, friends, relatives,,movies,,you name it..but we have so much fun around each other,,and our kids are so happy enjoying every moment. Maybe means something that we got married at 30..and both had careers and well paid jobs? maybe....
You both do your own thing and find simple things to do together.


You go to a play while he builds a computer, and afterwards meet for ice cream or dinner.


Nothing will kill a marriage faster then forcing your spouse to do what doesn't interest you.


However, even if you aren't interested, you both have to support eachothers's interests and not make the other feel stupid.


For instance, my husband loves cars. I don't, but I will listen respectfully and learn rudimentary knowledge so I can buy him gifts that he will like. I, however, love photography. He's like, ok, a tree. But he's still attentive enough to pay attention to what camera I have.
I think people loose themselves when they get married. It's ok to have different interests. Opposites attract! The main goal is to focus on why you fell in love in the first place. Take time to show each other you care. Just talking and laughing at the dinner table,leaving notes that say ';i love you';,hitting the snooze button on a Saturday just to talk or cuddle. The simple and honest moments and gestures are the ones that matter most.
what a load of BS!!


My parents have been married for about 20 years now and they both have different interests, My dad loves keeping animals and my mum isn't interested. They have a lot of differences but don't care about it because they just do what they enjoy.





You don't need to have the same interests to stay in a relationship....
love stand on faith.if u love him, u can do anything for him. that's right? if it is right so change ur habit Little bit, when he figure ur changing he will change his habit also and he feel a little guilty. for a few thing you can not make distance your love. love forever and don't figure any trouble in common things. best of luck
Find something, just something you can both do together, it could be underwater basketweaving. Begin this journey to find common interest. Try a bookstore, you can enjoy coffee together yet you could be reading something completely different, well, you get the message.
A lot of married couples have different interests.





Why not find something you both enjoy doing together so at least you will have 1 thing in common.





You could also learn and teach the other how to enjoy each others hobbies.
There must be something you both enjoy... walking the dog? Cooking? Board games? Going out for a drink? Gardening? There's no reason why you can't both enjoy individual interests, so long as you have some common ones too.
always remember opposite sides attract.......


give sometime, space to your partner, he will surely take some interest in your likes....


you take the initiative to understand his likes and get involved, i am damn sure he will also do the same.......
You have to reconcile your interests. As a wife you have to know how to carry the needs of your husband. Adjust yourself if you really love each other. Good luck
ok heres a list u can follow:


never miss having breakfast together n dinner if possible lunch too


ok ur list missed religion - so im guessing u too agree on tat - y diont u do tat together


books tats missing too- visit libraries together.


eating out


etc
Continue to be into your seperate things while maintaining the love that was there when you got married. All of that didn't suddenly fade into nothingness that fast.
sacrifice.... at least you have bed room compatibility. i have nothing at all with him. its just sacrifice...sacrifice and more sacrifice.
Sound like my marriage. I just want out. Too many fish in the sea!